Collecting Encouragement

Bindu’s post today had a way of cracking me open just as she describes the yoga practice has been doing for her, and it reminded me that I wanted to acknowledge a practice I have started recently which may help some of you along this journey of recovery.

(And I do think of this challenge as a call to recovery.  Most of us have spent a long time not listening to ourselves and the opening up that Bindu describes in her post is available to all of us.  What is it you’ve kept locked away?  What connections are you missing between mind/body/spirit?)

For a few months now, I have been consciously noting a few things that I am grateful for every day.   Before I fall asleep, I go over them in my head, no matter how large or  small they seem:

I am grateful for the five dollar bill I found hidden in my glove compartment which allowed me to treat myself to a latte.

I am grateful for my beautiful friend who offers perspective when I need it.

I am grateful for the way my pug made me laugh when I was feeling sad.

I am grateful for the unwavering, generous love of the Universe.

After these thoughts, I can drift to sleep a bit more peacefully than I might have if I ended my day by checking email or complaining.  Some days, it’s not easy to come up with a list, and other days the gratitude spills out of me like a fountain.   As practices that open us up tend to do, this one has led to some surprising changes in me, and to some other new habits.

Recently, I started noticing that my thoughts of gratitude were trending more and more toward acknowledging anyone who has supported my art lately.   As I have done that, I have noticed that more and more people seem to be cheering me on.  So, I started formally collecting Encouragers!

Every time someone gives me a compliment about my art, sends me a private email saying my music or writing has touched them, tells me they love my voice, or tells me they believe in what I am doing, I write it down.   I have a folder on my computer now where I am collecting these comments.   Soon I plan to create an area on my home  office wall where I can post them and see them whenever I sit at my desk.

Does this sound egotistical?  Maybe it is.   But keep in mind that we are usually so quick to acknowledge any negative statements people make about us and our creativity as true, and we rarely do the same for the positive statements.   Why should I choose to believe every negative thing and ignore it every time someone supports me?

Now, I don’t know if it’s really that there are more people saying wonderful, self-esteem-boosting things,  or if I’m finally open to noticing it instead of brushing it off, but either way, the effect feels amazing.  I am reminded that there are people who believe in what I am doing, and it makes it just that much easier to believe in it myself.

I highly recommend this practice if you need a boost in your self-esteem and need to gain some faith in what you’re doing.  You will see that there are way more people supporting you than you could have imagined, or that you allowed yourself to see.    What I noticed almost immediately is that almost all the negative comments were coming from one or two sources, whereas the Encouragers are coming from all sorts of places and people.  It has made me able to see that the Critical Voice wears very few faces, and the Encouragers encompass so much more of my experience.   Considering that, I find the Encouragers a more trustworthy and believable team.

Gradually, I feel those spiky places in me that have been wounded by my Critical Voice start to scab over, then soften. (C.V. is different from Internal Editor Steve…. my Critical Voice is comparable to the character Bridget Pilloud hilariously calls V.o.D. the Impaler) Eventually, new growth will cover those places, and while I will always have a scar to remind me of where I’ve been, they won’t be tender to the touch anymore.

And for everyone who has encouraged me so far and continues to be my best backup:  Thank You.  I am endlessly grateful to you, I remember you and chances are, your words will be up on my wall soon.

So Tell Me: Do you have Encouragers that you haven’t acknowledged yet?  Why don’t you think they are telling you the truth?   What would it take for you to believe the wonderful things people say about you?

Idea Sifting & Perfectionism

This post comes from a reader question.   How do you sift through all of your ideas and focus on The One?

First of all, let me just say that, dear reader, this is an excellent problem to have.   Tons of us sit and stare at blank pages or blinking cursors, practically trembling with the effort it’s taking to come up with something to write about.  You are not in that situation, so you’re already ahead of the game. Congratulations!

Where to keep all of those ideas.

My advice is not to throw away all of those other great ideas.  If you don’t already, start a file on your computer or keep a handwritten notebook where you can store all of those ideas for later.  This little idea notebook is like the cooked-on stuff at the bottom of a pan that you scrape up, throw some wine into, and use to make a killer sauce.  You can go back to your notes months (maybe years)* later and see all of these great bits that can go into other projects and become something wonderful.

So pick one already.

When you’re sitting down to a writing session and looking to start a new project, you can take a look at your ideas and see if any of them particularly appeal to you that day.   Whichever one seems like it would be the most gratifying to work on is the one you should pick.  Don’t over-think this process, and don’t let yourself rationalize about which one you should be working on.  Go with your gut and leave your brain out of it for now.

Don’t run away.

It is tempting to move on to the next idea on your list if something doesn’t immediately work out, but try to resist that.  Work on the idea you’ve chosen for at least a few sessions in a row.    I’ve been known to bounce around from idea to idea to idea, with the result ultimately being that none of the songs/poems/etc. get finished.   I have to keep coming back to one piece for many sessions in a row in order to make any significant progress.  So, once you pick something, see it through for awhile before putting it away if it’s not working (there is a time and a place to put an idea away and I’ll talk about that in a post soon!)

The underlying issue rears its ugly head.

Having a ton of ideas and not being sure which one to commit to actually points to another possible problem, and one we’ve encountered before -  perfectionism.

Many of us are afraid to pick something, because we have that voice in our heads that wrings its hands in worry and says, “But what if it’s the wrong one? What if it doesn’t turn out?  What if I’m terrible and should never write anything EVER AGAIN?!”

As you can see, this voice can quickly get out of control.  This is why your Internal Editor (Mine is called Steve. Hi, Steve!)  is not invited to the early stages of creation.  It is not productive here.  Stuff that worrying perfectionist back into his closet until he can make himself useful…. which is later.  Much later.

It’s OK to pick the “wrong” idea.  You will never know if it’s going to work or not until you start to play with it.

So play.  See what happens.   You might end up with something delicious.




*This is where my sauce analogy falls apart. I do not recommend using months- or years- old pan scraps to make sauce.

Music, lyrics, and … SNOW?!

Well, it’s April in Atlanta and that doesn’t mean much, considering we have the threat of ice/snow looming over us today. The weather here is never very predictable until July, when we can count on it being hot until the end of September.

( A few minutes later…)
Yep. There it is.  It is snowing in Atlanta on April 7th.

Anyway, I’ll take advantage of the cuddly weather to bundle up and address the one question I get more than anything else about the songwriting process, which is

Which do you write first, the music or the lyrics?

(thanks to Kevin for reminding me I wanted to post about this!)

The short answer is… neither.  Or both.

What I actually write first are ideas.  I have notebooks full of scribbled ideas that occur to me at various times during the day.  One of the reasons I always carry a pen in my bag is so that I can write an idea down on whatever piece of paper is convenient when an idea for a song strikes me.   Later, I can flip through my notes to revisit an idea that I want to try to work on during that session.

When I have an idea I want to work on, I’ll sit down with my guitar and just start playing around with words and chords until something feels like it’s in the right “mood” for the song. I may sing words that don’t entirely make sense, or I may end up singing the exact words that end up in the final song.  When I get a line that I really like I’ll write it down and try to move on.  Perfection is never the goal right away – it’s more about just getting it out there and tweaking it later.

Sometimes I have a very specific structure for a song that I want to work on, so that helps to narrow my focus and makes the lyrics easier to write.  For example, right now I’m working on a song that is written in the form of a letter to someone — that directly influences phrasing and the types of words I’ll choose, and makes my job easier.  Or, if I know the song I’m writing is a country song, there is a specific musical formula for that which makes coming up with the song structure more straightforward (verse, verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus is a typical country music “formula”).

So, generally it’s ideas first, then I work on the music and lyrics at the same time.  Once I have the chord progression completely figured out I can edit lyrics with a cup of coffee in hand instead of a guitar.

My favorite part is really editing the lyrics (Ok Steve, so you don’t always annoy me) to make sure I’m telling the story in the way that I feel is most effective.  For me, songwriting is always about telling a story, so the choices I make for the music have to directly lend themselves to the lyrics, rather than the other way around.  I also love the challenge of taking an experience and distilling it into relatively few words, so my songs are generally short & sweet.

Well, the flurry has stopped here in the time in took me to write this post, but I’m sure that won’t  deter Atlantans from buying up all the bread & milk at the grocery store.

Hey fellow songwriters, what do you write first?

making space, part the third

This last aspect of space I want to tackle in this series is at once the most important and the most difficult to write.

Once space in the schedule is made, and the physical space for writing is found, there is still a major hurdle to overcome in order to get to work.  This is the intangible and ever-changing psychological space needed in order to create.   One entry definitely won’t cover it.  In fact, this only touches on the main reason I wanted to create this blog in the first place.  Exploring the process, the psychological space of writing and learning through self-observation as I go along is one of my major goals here.  That said, let’s jump in a little.

The psychological space necessary for creative work is also called mindset, mood, or “the zone,” but I prefer the slang of headspace, because it’s actual meaning refers to the space between something in a container and its seal, i.e. that little bit of air in the jar between your favorite jam and the lid.   For me, being in the right headspace to work is the difference between the concept of a song and it being completed in a way that satisfies me.

Every writer’s productive headspace will be a little different.  One of the first things I need is privacy.  This serves multiple purposes for me.

First of all, the ‘process’ of a song is not a pretty thing, and no one should have to be exposed to the very first draft of any of my songs, ever.  There are lots of stumbles, extremely silly lyrics, and great potential for cursing.  It’s best that I am completely alone for that experience.  Believe me, it’s for your own good.

Secondly, privacy allows me the freedom to play, to makeup the silly lyrics when I can’t think of one that fits right off, to be terrible.  It basically gives me permission to have a really crap first draft without worrying about what anyone else thinks about it.  This is a huge deal.  Feeling that I have the permission to be awful immediately relieves any pressure to be brilliant in the first round.  The ultimately important part of this is that it removes the power from my Internal Editor.  An editor is a lovely thing to have when you are at the point of refining and perfecting a piece, but when you’re just getting started, the Internal Editor (let’s call mine Steve) does nothing except tell you NOT to create.

“That idea has been done before.”

“That is stupid.”

“Don’t write that, it’s idiotic, and no one will get that reference.”

Steve clogs up valuable headspace with all that negative chatter, so the only solution is to find a way to tie him up to a chair and stuff him in a closet of your subconscious until he can make himself useful.  When other people are around, Steve flat out refuses to go to his closet.

“I bet they can hear you in the other room.  They heard you just f*ck up that chord royally.   Right now they are wondering how you can even call yourself a songwriter with a trite line like that.  You should be glad they ever come to your shows.  They probably just do it out of pity.” and so on and so forth.   Having privacy gives Steve one less thing to pick on, and makes it much easier for me to get him out of my way.

My other needs all go together.  The first is  relaxation.  Clearing the schedule helps with that, but so does clearing my thoughts of anything that’s bugging me.  I often make tea or coffee before settling down to write.  The ritual of it is soothing and so is the warm cup.  It helps me get a handle on my intentions.  (One of the main reasons I choose Octane for my editing and blogging sessions is that they serve a nice variety of loose leaf teas by the potful!)  Some songwriters write much better when they are experiencing emotional turmoil or some sort of extreme emotion, but this is not so with me.  I need focus, and focus only comes with relaxation and intention.

Once I’ve got all those things going on at once, the writing seems to be a lot more effortless.  This is not to say I don’t sometimes get stuck and stop for awhile, or that I always come out with something I love.  It just makes it easier for me to fall back into a project at will instead of “waiting for inspiration to strike.”  Inspiration is Out There at any given time, but having privacy, permission to be awful, relaxation, focus, and intent make it possible for me to tap into the right headspace.

Question for my Readers:

Where’s your head at?   I’d love to hear how some of you prepare psychologically for a writing session!